Evan Taubenfeld's .....very awesome Blog

"Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma –..."

Sat, 08 Oct 2011 09:34:38 -0700

““Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.””

- Steve Jobs

robin

Tue, 17 May 2011 01:22:34 -0700

"Confidence is the poor mans money"

Fri, 13 May 2011 01:07:49 -0700

“Confidence is the poor mans money”

- Evan Taubenfeld

"To begin, begin"

Tue, 12 Apr 2011 22:16:31 -0700

“To begin, begin”

- William Wordsworth

"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could..."

Sun, 03 Apr 2011 14:34:23 -0700

““When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn””

- Harriet Beecher Stowe

"How high you climb the ladder of success & status is not measured in height but rather by how..."

Fri, 04 Mar 2011 11:17:35 -0800

““How high you climb the ladder of success & status is not measured in height but rather by how many people will catch you if you fall””

- Evan Taubenfeld

"The truth is, you’re the weak, and I’m the tyranny of evil men. But I’m..."

Tue, 22 Feb 2011 21:40:57 -0800

““The truth is, you’re the weak, and I’m the tyranny of evil men. But I’m tryin’, Ringo. I’m trying real hard to be the shepherd””

- Jules in Pulp Fiction

"The five phases of an actors(or singers) career according to Don Cheadle “Who is Don Cheadle?..."

Sat, 22 Jan 2011 10:06:41 -0800

“

The five phases of an actors(or singers) career according to Don Cheadle

“Who is Don Cheadle? Get me Don Cheadle. Get me a Don Cheadle type. Get me a young Don Cheadle. Who is Don Cheadle?”

”

- Don Cheadle

"life can be like monkey bars sometimes…scary as it may be, if you do not let go of the bar..."

Thu, 20 Jan 2011 10:42:08 -0800

“life can be like monkey bars sometimes…scary as it may be, if you do not let go of the bar behind you then you simply can’t move forward.”

- Evan Taubenfeld

"…You know you’ve pretty much hit rock bottom when you’ve been told you have..."

Sun, 02 Jan 2011 11:33:31 -0800

““…You know you’ve pretty much hit rock bottom when you’ve been told you have character flaws by a man who hanged his predecessor in a military coup.””

- Charlie Wilson in Charlie Wilsons War

"i find people around me are all making some kind of connection, like friendship or..."

Mon, 06 Dec 2010 21:19:24 -0800

““i find people around me are all making some kind of connection, like friendship or romance….. but human bonds always lead to messy complications, commitments, sharing, driving people to the airport, besides if I let someone get that close they’ll see who I really am and I can’t let that happen. So, time to put on my mask””

- Dexter

Chapter Three: (Intentionally Omitted)

Mon, 08 Nov 2010 16:46:00 -0800

why write the whole debacle out? you’ve certainly seen much of it, or at least the parts of the story worth committing to text but the truth be told I assume it’ll be cathartic for me. I have many times felt like Jerry McGuire in his vulnerable moment of candid splendor where he just purges all from his soul into a life changing “memo” , one that immediately results in his being fired….. but I’m not as cool as Tom Cruise and I can’t write as well as he likely wrote in the fictional world so I’ll just stick to tumbrling for now.

there were three, maybe four times where I’d actually written what I considered to be a manifesto or expose’ of the harsh realities of being an artist on a major label, or at least being one with my given set of circumstances & results but I always abandoned it at the last minute not only cause I didn’t want to burn my house down while I was still in it but more importantly because every time I was about to post this crazy essay or whatever you call it I’d felt it was incomplete. I actually had the little word doc in a e-mail to some close friends at various well respected music oriented magazines/sites ready to post it but I just had a change of heart about it all.

a bunch of things have happened though since the last near bridge burning draft I’d almost posted at 4am one night back in may. one, I’m not angry. two, I’ve accepted full responsibility for much of what I was upset and frustrated about in the first place.

in due time(hopefully my lifetime) I’ll learn if that assessment is accurate or not but for now I find its much easier for me to digest things if I blame myself entirely.

So,

chapter two would end like this:

You have to understand that leaving Avril’s band was probably the hardest and scariest decision I ever made but I knew I had to go for it and was blessed to have her 100% support the whole way.

[a shitload of storyline text here]………and so it was less than 8 weeks after the Maxim show that I signed my deal with Warner Bros. I was in my parents basement back in Baltimore and at that point it was the best day of my life. 11/14/2004

chapter three would start like this:

Chapter Three

A few weeks later after celebrating with my friends and family, buying myself some well needed studio gear and writing songs I finally moved to Los Angeles, alone but ready to take over the world. The night I landed in LA it was like all of my dreams were coming true and this was just the beginning. Solitude would soon be given a new meaning and jesus christ its fucking smoggy there…

the story of it:

******(intentionally omitted)*****

and it would end like this:

And I’m not mad about it anymore. I don’t even understand why I was mad in the first place. doesn’t change a thing. I think we were so fucking close like a few times but what can you do? the past is the fucking past and I can say with certainty that every mistake I’ve made I learned far more valuable lessons than I ever could wish for so maybe its all good then. I can’t be upset about the results because it always comes down to me at the center. The one constant factor in every one of my stumbles or failures is me. The colleagues in this particular incarnation were just people doing their jobs( though at times it did feel that they were polarized with my ambitions) and they did just that. It would only be a few days until our 6 year anniversary when Warner Bros and I decided we would part ways and wish each other the best of luck in the future.

Chapter Four:

And then it got interesting………

Thanks for waiting....

Tue, 19 Oct 2010 16:43:19 -0700

I’ll stop by before I blow off the dusty wick and let it burn to the bottom, it’ll hopefully all make sense soon enough

"Listen very very carefully to those you respect and admire & do what they tell you. Viciously..."

Thu, 07 Oct 2010 15:29:25 -0700

“Listen very very carefully to those you respect and admire & do what they tell you. Viciously ignore everyone else without hesitation.”

- Evan Taubenfeld

Changes

Thu, 16 Sep 2010 00:10:00 -0700

they say change is a good thing yet its almost always met with fierce resistance, panic, fear, and doubt. so I suppose I’d like to meet this “they” so I can have them to talk to the the rest of us and set things straight.

there’s been a lot of change internally, externally, big, small, near and far in recent days/weeks etc and I can say that I’m finally welcoming all of it. that being said, some of the things changing of course petrifying while others are exciting. where will I be in 5 years? who knows, who fucking cares. tonight I declare thats a stupid question.

a few years ago I was in australia, which at the time felt like a million miles from home. I was crippled by one of the darker times in my life that was getting a stranglehold on me and torturing me daily. all of this made living to minute to minute my only option and forced me to confront some very candid issues with myself(the result being a positive change in my life). but this isn’t really the point, what I want to focus on is that week, that one dark week where I would call my family hysterically at 5 in the morning because I couldn’t imagine what to do for another 30 minutes in such a state of disaster. it sounds bad because it was bad. no I wasn’t withdrawing from heroin or morning the loss of a sibling but I was dealing with autoimmune chemical & biological warfare for the first time in my life at such a horrific level. fuck, ANYWAY. listen, the point is. that was a dark week, just take my fucking word for it ok. the pieces all fell apart, time stood still, the future ceased to even exist as a potential and yet years later its simply a memory I look back on with a smirk. I’m glad I came back from it, glad it made it out, and now I just remember that everything will be ok no matter how it feels. so how did I climb out of what felt like surefire self armageddon and be in a place to laugh a out it? change.

lets get our hands dirty shall we. at that time I was very very lucky to have a close friend help me out at my most intimate moments of struggle. one night she put me on the phone with her “spiritual adviser” (yes I rolled my eyes too). now, this guy was a brilliant harvard graduate with 2 different degrees and a considered to be a expert in the fields of metaphysics, spirituality, quantum mechanics & religion[I checked him out, after the phone call]. So he gets on the phone, starts asking me whats wrong, bla bla and I break down. its all surreal, none of it really making much sense, I feel partially vulnerable & simultaneously am aware that the whole situation is just stupid and I’m on the phone with some snake oil salesman. that was until he says “Evan. please listen to me for a moment. you are not able to see what I see. right now, your guardian angels are healing you. they are re-wiring your being from the inside. you’re undergoing a spiritual re-wiring and its often scary, painful and sickening. but this is happening for a reason, and if you don’t fight it then it’s going to all be ok. you’re going to be ok.” I’d stopped crying, it didn’t completely make sense but I bought it for the moment and slept like I’ve never slept before.

I don’t know what that meant, I know what it was supposed to mean, but I don’t know if it really meant that. It could all be a large bunch of bullshit, like the book sellers and the evangelist but the truth is I like the picture that was painted by that metaphor for change. fast forward until today. where many of my closest friends, family and our BLCers are asking me constantly if I’m ok and the answer is most certainly yes…. that being said, I most certainly also am being paid another visit from my friends and their re-wiring machines. last time I was scared. cautious, anxious but ready. this time I’m diving head first.

the president of my label was fired yesterday. they call it resigning when you’re powerful because it doesn’t look as bad and you get a really nice cash prize for leaving without kicking and screaming. this was a small change. it sent news around the music business and inspired a “all hell breaks loose” kind of breakdown for some but the truth is that it changes almost nothing for me. I liked the old president. despite him being charged with having to run a company in a rapidly evaporating industry he was always reasonable with me. I like the new president, I’ve worked with him on projects before and he’s a awesome guy… people will be fired, people will be hired but as far as I’m concerned its business as usual. the kind of change I’m talking about are more like the one deryck sivers talks about. the big ones. the hard ones. the ones that require honestly and as levy from the wire would say chutzpah with oneself. birthdays come and go, days changes, ages change, friends & jobs change, the weather changes, your weight and hair changes, presidents change, news changes, channels change. keys change, clothes change, I changed deodorant, technology changes, 2pac had a song called “changes” but have you changed your soul? your purpose? your being? are you fighting a re-wiring or are you in need of one? you already know the answer whether you admit it or not but just remember that even though its scary, you will laugh about it 5 years from now.

so, what does this mean? I mean, this is the last paragraph where I’d normally tie it all together. drop in some news that I’d cryptically hinted at that had to do with change. I’d say something to you like “and so, I’ve changed my band name to this…” & “I’m making a all acoustic album that’s dark” or “I’m quitting” but this week, I don’t have those kinds of answers. I have only broad strokes. reflective or inspiring ones. its working on me. its happening slower than last time but the difference is I’m not fighting it. I welcome it. the “they” can stay home for my portion of the explanation, I get it now. take a deep breath. take a second, just a second to yourself to breath as you did when you were a child. its so sad how clean we all were.

everything you know is subject to change at a moments notice.

-Evan

Bottlecap Necklaces

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 19:09:00 -0700

Bottlecap Necklaces:

a lot of people keep asking where I get these bottlecap necklaces from… well. here you go :-)

[updated with working link]

"you can’t die in dreams but I’m in between them"

Wed, 25 Aug 2010 13:49:31 -0700

““you can’t die in dreams but I’m in between them””

- Evan Taubenfeld

Person "She died...." Other Person "oh, I didn't know she was a she"

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 11:48:00 -0700

“Wake me up lower the fever

Walking in a straight line

Set me on fire in the evening

Everything will be fine

Waking up strong in the morning

Walking in a straight line

Lately I’m a desperate believer

But walking in a straight line”

fucking tumblr double spaced that shit just so you know. ugh.

its just a quote from a Silverchair song I didn’t really like when I heard it but have since come around. something desperate on his vocal that I enjoy. I don’t even know what the fuck he’s talking about, I don’t even know what the fuck I’m talking about but I just like it right now.

Someone on my forums just asked “are you ok? no seriously…. are you ok?”

the quick answer is yes. the long answer is still yes but its more like Yes*. then later, in the back of the text book there’s a footnote somewhere that says *though I’m actually ok the reasons I may appear to be currently undergoing rewiring is this: and then some long story into the deep dark personal intimate and exposing details of my life that I care not to share(not because you’re not my family but because its just boring to me and ultimately irrelevant cause I am fine anyway) So, that is why i’m ok and that is why you’re ok. we’re alive, we feel, we struggle, we have ups and downs, specifically we have horrific days and euphoric days(lets ignore the underlying psychological or chemical reasons for those and focus on the nintendo game we’ll call living) so I guess I dont think the answer should ever be no, for that would mean you have forgotten to understand all you have.

hmmm, where weere[I’m intentionally leaving that misspelled just because I can] we. lets move on. “In another life” turned out amazing, “Better Off(with a broken heart)” is on its way to you via the form of another talented vessel and “goodbye letter” though black as oil & tar mixed with ash surprisingly got a thumbs up from the man so I’m moving onto new rocks this week. I’ve been doing this little song a day hustle lately and I love it. I wake up, I write a song, demo it, and finish it. thats it. no overthinking, no planning, no strategizing, just writing. write write write write write write write. I find and feel that the most strategic and organized army general can’t stop the lone crazed gunman with nothing to lose who walks through the tent and puts two shotgun rounds through his head so why not be the lone gunman? you’re not prisoner to anything. I mean, who can ever touch you? and if they do what exactly do you lose?

I’m most certainly not advocating violence, it was a metaphor or analogy[not sure which so just whatever] i’ve never been in a fight in my life. when I was really younger I killed a rabbit with a bb gun once and couldn’t sleep for weeks. I still feel horrible about it so I’d say the whole violence thing best remain a figurative path and not literal for me. I’m just not cut out for it. but the point was I feel a huge relief when I accept that nothing matters and just let go. I mean, maybe thats why apocalyptic movies always appeal to me, its like everything resets and the only thing that matters is staying alive (and killing zombies of course).

so who died? well, thats a complex answer and a simple one. there are some specifics, some literals, but the one I’ll refer to from here on in this writing is the alien robot pilot who previously held on so tightly, to what I’m not sure…. but I cut his hand off today so fuck him.

and the she above? well. there’s no need for traditional counting and timing, that just seems counterproductive to everyone, I’d rather give more not less but also give good more than just eh. I’m sure it’ll make sense soon enough, I just don’t wanna map shit out y’know, being all handless and shit.

let my just wrap this up real quick. I answered another question on the forums lately by drawing the best analogy I know for me in the immediate and foreseeable future. I’ve spent almost a decade in a gunfight, a bloody and horrific gunfight. My little gang just finished our full on blaze of explosive offensive but our slides locked back and silence has befallen us so we’re hiding behind this car, its shot up like fuck, not moving, tires busted and stalled straight in the middle of this distraught and destroyed road. I’m almost 100% certain that nothing is gonna pass through the car and hurt us so we’re just catching our breath and filling up the ammo so we can all together flip back over the hood and end this once and for all. See, we may have missed but I’m the last guy you want still breathing and planning to come get you…… see for one, I don’t ever give up, NEVER. never ever ever. there is only one way I’ll ever stop and I think we all know thats not going to happen so give it your best because if you miss its gonna be ugly.

:-) Evan

"some days everything goes right & some days everything goes wrong. the key is knowing that on..."

Mon, 09 Aug 2010 15:07:11 -0700

“some days everything goes right & some days everything goes wrong. the key is knowing that on either type of day the other one is coming”

- Evan Taubenfeld

Soda Sunday's Sixty Three

Sat, 07 Aug 2010 23:14:51 -0700

The Wire is easily the greatest show on television. I know I’ve said it a thousand times before but I really mean it. Watching it for me is as close to a euphoric experience as I’ve been able to achieve on a consistent basis.

Speaking of Baltimore, I’m heading back this week for a brief trip. The cause of the trip is unfortunately tragic however getting to spend time with my family will be a great silver lining. It was Rahm Emanuel who said “Never let a crisis go to waste” and without sounding insensitive I believe there is a large amount of truth to that. In fact, on a more general level anytime I get bad news I usually always reach with the same “ok. what can I do to make this good” response. sometime’s its harder than others and sometime’s it hurts more than others but usually if you approach things like that you’re generally going to be better off(in my humble opinion)

when I go back to Baltimore I feel a lot of things. Nostalgia, anxiety, regret, relief, I mean the whole slew of bullshit you feel when you return to your hometown. I’m infinitely excited that I got out of the trap I’d felt in as a post high school struggling musician who just wanted to get signed. On the flip side there is a simple and real-ness to Baltimore (and the mid-atlantic green back country roads) that I don’t think exists elsewhere and at times I long for it. Few things in the world that I’ve seen(and though I’m not the most traveled I’m certainly doing ok for a 27yr old) rival two minutes on hillside drive. Whatever, you don’t care. I wouldn’t either, but hey I’m excited.

What if there isn’t a light? what if the lights just turn off and its nothingness? there are a million ways to find out and no ways to know. kinda sad. kinda special. I mean, they say the whole importance and meaning of life centers around the fact that it is temporary and fragile no matter what your spiritual or personal beliefs and ambitions happen to be.

For me, I think that I’ve found little moments, they come now and then. you can’t predict them but something makes you genuinely happy, content, sincere. something makes you laugh, smile, cry, hurt, feel.

So. Snowballs, crabs, my old stomping grounds and a number of other pasts are in my future in the coming days and pending a safe aviation experience I plan on reporting them in full detail when we connect next week.

In the meantime, chew on the fact that we’ve got the videos getting uploaded with our friends at Alloy to premier for ya’allz soon.

I wrote like 5 songs this week (teamed up with my friends Luke Walker, Young L, and did the rest all by myself like a big boy). Oh and a little secret sauce coming your way soon enough.

losing everything is easy if you have nothing. I don’t say that because I have nothing, rather the contrary but in watching a number of people in situations that stripped them down to their most human and basic core I was lucky to witness the difference between those who own their lives and those whose lives own them. It’s like that scene in fight club when Tyler says “the things you own end up owning you” besides the fact that with regards to material possessions he is 100% correct in his assertions, is the fact that the seriousness that you impose on your situation at any given time likely adds to the weight and ultimately deterioration of said situations manageableness & fulfilling qualities.

I love the quote “how do you expect me to reason with a man who was no value for money” It just implies that there are two routes to enlightenment and both are equally challenging. The first is to become a billionaire. then you can do whatever you want whenever you want and make your own rules and say “fuck you” to everything and everyone(I like this one). The second is to find a true internal peace, one which will make the need to say “fuck you” moot because money, power, success, and any of the non-tangable useless measurements of standing in a society will have no use because your only measurement will be internal and pure. (this one I like but damn its fucking hard). Just saying like, i guess I spend half my life trying one and half my life trying the other. Maybe I won’t fully succeed at either until I commit and I’m ever conflicted. For to succeed at both is a feat that will prove satisfying but to fail at either well, depending on the pursuit I’d say some downfalls may have worse circumstances on your ability and predispositions with existing in our current medium of reality. and that as they say, is the rub.

love,

Evan